(orig. published Mar. 02, 2024)

Once, some years ago, a goblin hunting party trekked out from the wheeled metal city of Contraption to find meat. They attacked a group of gnomes, but as they fought, the goblins noticed something unexpected – a baby gnome with an unmistakable, familiar ferocity.

After some squabbling, the goblins spared the child and returned him to Contraption, to raise as one of their own. Nasty Pete, as he came to be called, thrived in his new home, joining his friends on hunts and eventually earning his Teeth, a remarkable rite of passage which had never before been achieved by an outsider! He was as goblin as any could be.

When Garp Garp was born, pulled up from the primordial mud pits by his father Blargg Blargg, old Uncle Nasty Pete was there to watch. Of all the goblins, he was the one Garp missed most after he ran away from home to become a bard. On lonely nights, a gentle song can be heard drifting across the Lyrian plains. A song filled with awe and fondness and triumph and love. The Ballad of Nasty Pete.